Caution: Dark Thoughts Below.

You just have 3 hours sleep every night. You are so overwhelmed. Thoughts can’t wait until tomorrow. You hear voices --inner voices. They keep saying you’re awful, bad. You feel you’re not even qualified to do simple things. You fail your targets. You are so under-performed in your job. You get so demotivated. You don’t even think you’re useful. Instead, you’re so disappointing --that’s what you think about yourself. You don’t finish your meals. Today’s portion is smaller than yesterday. And so is tomorrow’s. You loathe foods. You don’t take even just a glass of water. You throw it. You know water won’t help. You hate mornings. You hate nights. Your days are dark. They are so blue. Time ticks slower. You can’t stand noises. You want to scream, but.. no. You should not. Who would hear you voice? Who would care? No one, isn’t it? And you keep the screams in you. You scream inside. You’re so shattered.

Your soul is broken.

You can’t see people eyes to eyes. They are against you. They hate you. Every time you try to bounce back, they push you, all over again. No one understands your feelings. No one even bothers to tell you nice words. They hate you. And you keep telling yourself, you don't deserve nice things. You don’t deserve a hug. You are not loved. No one loves you. No one cares of your life. You’re none of their business. You’re just another problems. And they will keep telling you to be professional in work, to be nice to people, meanwhile on the other side, you’re so broken. But, hey, who cares how broken you are? You’re just troubled, and no one cares.

End of story. End of life.

No pulse.

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Dark enough? Maybe. Because that’s, my dear friend, what we call ‘depression’.

P.s. I dedicate this short passage to one of my great friends (and everyone) who is currently struggling with depression. If you happen to know one great psychiatrist (and oh please not too costly), please do let me know. My great friend might need one.

And maybe, me too.